


My Immortal but it's The Umbrella Academy

by orphan_account



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol, Child Abuse, Crack, Craig Hargreeves Is Dummy Sticc, Drugs, Everyone Has Issues, Grace Is A Good Mom, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Mentions of Crack, Other, Out of Character, PTSD, Plot Twists, Poverty, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, Rotten Bananas, Self-Harm, Substance Abuse, Suicidal Thoughts, Tire Home, craig needs a hug, everyone is ooc on purpose, five and delores are attached to the hip, this isn't serious, you are craig hargreeves and you are adopted by the umbrella academy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-09 03:05:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17993648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: i don't know why i made this but it's funny as fuck





	1. Chapter 1

hi i'm Craig Htwatatatta and i go to Klorse County Regional High School in west virginia. i'm 17 years old. i'm a boy (obviously) and i hate it at my school- i'm quiet, so i don't have a lot of friends, and i get bullied a lot. don't even get me started on Weginald Neekap, he's a total prick.  
i have short dark brown hair, and i'm 6'11. i like to listen to music on my iPod, which i stole from the trash because my alcoholic abusive mom hates me and doesn't want me to be happy by giving me any kind of electronic. when she found me listening to it she put out a cigarette on my arm. i wish i could just escape from here.

  
i sigh and comb comb my short dark brown hair. my abusive alcoholic mother comes into my room and tells me i'm not pretty like my sister. tears flow rapidly down my pale, thin cheeks from malnourishment because she never buys me anything except rotting bananas. she slams the door and i look down at my body. i hate myself, i'm so fat and ugly and i just want to die.

  
i put my jack daniels t shirt and black skinny jeans back on and collapse onto my bed, letting the music in my ears calm me down.

  
_**You come in cold** _  
_**You're covered in blood** _  
_**They're all so happy you've arrived** _  
_**The doctor cuts your cord** _  
_**Hands you to your mom** _  
_**She sets you free into this life** _

  
sometimes i feel like good charlotte are the only ones who understand my pain. my life sucks and everyone around me sucks. suddenly i hear a loud noise and i jump, pulling off my headphones. there standing in the doorway is... The Umbrella Acadedmy!


	2. Chapter 2

diego glares at me while standing in front of all the others and then he said "we've come to take you from your mom because you'#re special like us" he said. luther nods but its clear he wanted to be the one to say it.

  
"but,.... mny birthday isnt october f1?" i ask confused. "no shit dumbass" says a teenage boy no older than 10 and i look at him startelled. "we know when you were born. we know everything about you" "five stop creeping him out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" allisons says lowdly and five huffs lookigna way.

  
"It doesnt matter what day yo were born yoyrer still one of us and so we are braeking tyou out." diego prexlains further and i nod understanding now. "well whatr we waoitng for" i reply as i bengan to pack my thigns. "lets go!!!"

  
"finaly i can smoek more fucking crakc." klaus says witha simle not unkidnly and er oenve laughed.


	3. Chapter 3

i walk into the umbrella acadeymy mansinoa fter fiv teleports us all there. he is a grouchy odl man but i can tell hes not that bad. suddnley a old man with a monokle coesm down the stairsand i rear eyes its mister reginald harobog eve.

  
"what is the maenign of ythis" he says loduly in a loud intimidnating voice and isudndely begin having a ptsd afshback to my palcoholic abusivem om. suddenly i feeled a ahnd on m shoudler and looik to see luther looking at me concerniengedly. "are u ok" he askes and i say "yes im fine". vifve looks at me tou of the corner of my eye and slooks skeptical with a skepitcal look like he doesnt believem eb utsa ys nothing abtot it,.

  
"we fgot number eight ofr you sir" diego says and reginald walks away. "that went well" he says a moments alter and i laguh quietly. alyson showes me my rooma nd the bahtrooms. im in aw e of how big this aplce is its so fancyh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  
"yel if you aeened ehnythign" alyson smiels at em like a big sister and i smiel abck but then suddenly i ahnm, having a ptsd flor back to my sister who would beat me up becos i wasnt bpretty. thankfuly allis ons left before she could ssee thati w as beginnig toc ry.

  
after sis bobing in to my pillow for whatr efelty like ages i sighed and pulled out omfy hiPod and began lsitenign to more emo songs. i wish i coudl express the pain in my dark heart


	4. Chapter 4

i hear a ldou knokk on the dor that itnerupts my iemo music. i sigh "WHAST DO U WANT" ic all out and the dioor opens revealing lujrhter ewho looks at my. "diner is ready" and hel eaves. "pfftsht not onefro wrods" i murter to my wself as i get up leaivng my iPOde on the stable.

i walkd own the logn stairs and see that ever ybdoy is wayting ofrm e. wait l.. .. thERE s dFOod On tn HetB Abl e???????????not or ttne bananananak sins? wig!

eveyrbody is alryeady sitting donawnand aeting so i tkae my seet and but beiofore i can ebgin a woma nscatches my eye. she is kidnda petty-T and weiraing a whiteh sirt witha pink and balck poko dott dres. i sudndenly beign ahving mroe patsd flashabcks to my abusivel achoclic mom. ym food beigns toa mke me felel fatt sirting din fornt of mye and i rememebr my absuvie bithc sister making me even moer ptsd. is tand up un able to take this and run aoway hearing peope l call mye names behdin me.

why did i iwahve to be hborn... i wish i cud be DEAD!!!!!!


	5. Chapter 5

I ran into my room and slammed the door behind me, fumbling for the lock and turning it until I heard it click. With shaking hands, I reach into my pocket and take out the knife I had managed to snatch from the table before I made my hasty retreat. My vision blurred with tears as I looked down at it.. God, what am I even crying for?! _How am I so pathetic?!_

  
There was knocking at the door- people calling my name, too. Guess they must've followed me. I let out a trembling breath, gripping the handle until my knuckles turned white. It probably wouldn't be sharp enough to cut deep, but it would be enough. I haven't self-harmed for years, not since I was 13, but I just need this one release... _one and done,_ I promised myself. _Just once._

  
_"Whatever you're planning on doing, please, just think this through!"_ came Allison's pleading voice. I laughed bitterly to myself, feeling a warmth running down my face. The one chance I get to have a decent family life, and I manage to fuck it up. _How typical of me._

  
I press the slightly dulled blade to my skin, biting my lip to avoid a hiss of pain. It hurt so much, but it felt so good.. addictive, almost. Like an adrenaline rush. After a few seconds, blood begins to bubble out of the cut- just a little. Not enough. _I deserve more pain._

  
Another. It felt liberating to know I was in control, that I was the only one who punished myself.. nobody else. I had cut three more times before I managed to get a grip, knowing it'd be noticeable if I walked out of my room tomorrow with a bunch of marks on my forearm. Another fuckup, courtesy of Craig.

  
The knocking had stopped a few minutes ago. They must've given up- at least I didn't have to worry about them bursting the door down or anything. That would've been awkward as all hell. I notice a closet out of the corner of my eye.. _maybe I can find a long-sleeve or something? Anything other than this T-shirt._ I always hated it, but it was one of the few things my Mom bothered to buy me. Every time I asked her for something else, I'd be on the floor before I knew it.

  
I made my way over to the closet and- score! Whoever stocked this up knew my exact size.. creepy, but at least I had a change of clothes. I picked out a black sweater and changed, trying not to look down at my midsection. I always hated being shirtless.

  
Satisfied with the hidden marks on my arms, I wandered back over to my bed, flopping down on top of the comforter. This day had been so confusing, and I was tired as fuck. I just wanted to sleep. A hunger pain hits me as I'm reflecting on the events I've been through, and I bite my lip, trying not to let out a groan of hatred at my own stupidity. _Making a scene like that.. God damn it, I'm so useless. Can't even function right._

  
_Whatever. I just hope nobody brings it up tomorrow._ I pick my iPod up off the bedside table, putting my earbuds in and letting My Chemical Romance soothe me into a deep, dark oblivion of unconsciousness.


End file.
